Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
