Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
