I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
