I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
