jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
