I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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