Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
