I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
