its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
