Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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