I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
