I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
