cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
