this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
