i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
