I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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