So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
