Your tits are I can't wait for
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
