somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
