Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Michael Bay diarrhea
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
