walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
