i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
