WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
