i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
