He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
