He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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