I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
