Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
