So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wear drunk well.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
