Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
