walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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