this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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