and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is the high leading the old right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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