I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
