So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
