drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
