My liver just broke up with me...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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