just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
