its not stalking. its research.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
