I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
