ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
