I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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