She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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