Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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