I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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