Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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