Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
