well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
