my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
