You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
