so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
the liver wants what the liver wants
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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