I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
