i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
