You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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