You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize