He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
