im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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