apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize