im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
