first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
