At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
