Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wanna go halves on a baby?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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