Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
