I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
