Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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