I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
then he tried to convert me to islam
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
