I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
