im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
