After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
