ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
