My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
