a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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