he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
