I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
