you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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