He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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