All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
