How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
