I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
