I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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