I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
