i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
