i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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