Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
