god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
