I puked a lego.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
