Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
