This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
