Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
