did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
