Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize