Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
