I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
