So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
