I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize