I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a search helicopter?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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