Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Randomize
