Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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