she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
