Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
