Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
