dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
