There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Damn victory sex feels great
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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