He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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