today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
