No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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