I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
