i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize