Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
