so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
